THIS WAS A HARD ONE TO WRITE

I HATE TALKING ABOUT MYSELF

But here goes nothing, anyway. I’m realizing more and more that I might be suffering from some depression. 

Sorry to dive right into it like that, but I need to rip this off like a bandage.

I haven’t sold a single copy of M:SOTS in the entire month of May, nor so far in the month of June, either. I can’t honestly say I’m living paycheck to paycheck because that would entail making it to the next paycheck before completely running out of money. I haven’t written more than a few sentences weekly for the past two months. On top of all that, my days off from work have been mostly spent hiding in a closet due to migraines, fighting off a 48-hour cold, or having a full-blown anxiety attack.

My anxiety is affecting me physically to the point where I make myself sick to the stomach. Literally. My wife has to pick up the slack of not only taking care of the children all day when I’m at work but then taking care of me, too, when I’m home. It isn’t fair to her.

And, well, I’m tired of going through this. Monetarily, July and August are my catch-up months where I’ll finally be able to pay off some debt and save some money. I have to keep a roof over our heads and food in my children's bellies until mid-July, and we should be good to go from there. But emotionally or psychologically, I’m not right.

Before you say it, yes, I’m seeking help. I have reached out to my Doctor who’s providing me a referral to a therapist in my insurance network, who hopefully won’t sink me much deeper into debt than I already am.

In addition to this, I saw a meme on Instagram the other day that said, “Joy isn’t the opposite of Depression. Expression is the opposite of Depression.” Do something creative. Create.

So, I started with this newsletter, and after this, I’m diving into some more work on M:TFOG. In fact, on my way to work this morning I had something of an epiphany that might be the missing X factor I’ve been searching for that will tie M:TFOG together. We’ll see.

All that to say, while I may not consider myself out of the woods yet, I’ve, at the very least, climbed a tree, scouted my surroundings, and set a course for a way out.

I only hope you all indulge me with some patience as I get things back on track for myself. Then, there’ll be some new content coming.

I also want to clarify that this is just me clacking the keys to help manifest my goals and hold myself accountable going forward. I’m not fishing for anything from y’all; I just wanted to tell you what I’m going through because if any of you were suffering, I’d listen to you. Feel free to reach out if you ever need an ear because mental health is a whole thing, and sometimes we need help.

Scroll down for some cool books, and I’ll reach out again soon.

-Adrian